I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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