This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He passed out mid-signature
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He? As in you personified your dick?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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