He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
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I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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