I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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