If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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