I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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