Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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