I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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