His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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