I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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