God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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