she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I believe in your delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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