Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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