The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize