was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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