the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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