I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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