be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
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Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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