She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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