I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
...so i touched it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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