I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have already put on my inside pants.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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