You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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