I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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