Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
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Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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