I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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