I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
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You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think my moral compass just broke
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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