My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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