btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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