pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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