we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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