I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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