The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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