My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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