I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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