based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize