I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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