Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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