What did we do last night that was yellow?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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