I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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