i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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