just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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