You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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