I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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