I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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