dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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