Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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