I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize