You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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