I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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