OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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